Christmas Past, Present, and Future
by Hidden Treasures
Summary: It's their first Christmas together in their new universe, and Jackie finally talks some sense into Rose.


For her first Christmas in her new universe, Rose was more or less catatonic, at least on the inside. Outwardly, she put on a brave face and tried to celebrate with her Mum, Dad, and Mickey as best she could. She helped with the decorating, and baked cookies with her Mum, and pretended to be happy and grateful when her parents showered her and each other with love and gifts. But surrounded by all of the luxury that came with being a Tyler in this universe, Rose couldn't help but feel more homesick than ever. She would have traded it all in a heartbeat to be back at the Powell Estate, back on the TARDIS, back with the Doctor.

Her second Christmas was a bit better, if only marginally. The new baby was fun to shop for and play with, even if he was too little to fully appreciate the holiday. As much as she hated and begrudged her life here, she couldn't help but fall hopelessly in love with her little brother.

Her third Christmas seemed to pass in a blur, and she didn't partake in much of the festivities. The Dimension Cannon was showing signs of life, and she and everyone at Torchwood spent many hours testing and tweaking the machine, sending various robots and drones through the Void to ensure it would be safe for a human to travel through. Rose did make a point to spend Christmas Day at the mansion, knowing (hoping) that she would soon be back in her proper universe.

Her fourth Christmas was similar to her first.

Rose stood by the window with a cup of tea as she watched her brother and the Doctor playing in the snow. It was odd to see him in such a domestic setting. He was dressed in winter weather gear from head to toe, with a ridiculously long, multi-colored scarf (he'd been very excited when he'd found it in the shops, but she didn't know why), and with a hat that flattened his hair so it peaked out underneath the knitted material. His cheeks were pink, but he had the brightest eyes and widest smile as he helped Tony roll enough snow to make the base of a snowman.

She watched them for several minutes, feeling conflicted. With every day that passed, she felt herself falling more in love with this Doctor. Yet as she caught herself staring at him over dinner, or curling up by his side to watch a movie, she was shot through with guilt, and immediately retreated. She couldn't help but feel like she was betraying her other Doctor by accepting this one, by enjoying his company. She desperately missed her Time Lord Doctor, and was still very angry at being left here without a goodbye.

"Aww, just look at 'em."

Rose startled, not expecting to hear a voice so close.

Jackie stepped up beside her and wrapped her arm around Rose's waist, drawing her into a sideways hug.

"He's so good with Tony," Jackie commented.

Rose watched as the Doctor lifted up her brother so that Tony could place the head upon their snowman. He watched her little brother laugh madly as he finished his placement, and threw his arms around the Doctor's neck.

Her heart gave a twinge and sent a pool of warmth and affection through her chest.

"I didn't think I'd be seeing that face again," Jackie commented, glancing over to her daughter.

Rose looked over in confusion.

"This face," she elaborated, gesturing vaguely. "You, being all mopey."

"I'm not _mopey_ ," Rose said defensively.

Jackie leveled her with a glare than made Rose feel like she was fifteen again.

"I thought as soon as himself was with you, with us, you'd be back to your old self again," Jackie sighed wistfully. "I never thought I'd see you so miserable to have everything you wanted."

"But I don't, Mum," Roe protested softly. "The Doctor–"

"Is right outside," Jackie interrupted firmly.

Rose turned back to watch the Doctor and Tony begin to decorate their snowman. Tony tugged wildly on the Doctor's scarf, until he relented and adorned the snowman's neck with his beloved scarf.

"But there's still the other one out there alone, Mum," Rose said, trying to blink back the sting of tears. She was so tired of crying.

"Well, yeah," Jackie allowed. "But what about this one, eh? You haven't been making this very easy on him, love."

Rose felt a stab of guilt at that. She knew she'd been awful these last few months, but after their few weeks in this universe, she'd noticed the Doctor had become withdrawn. He was still amicable, and seemed to love spending his time with her, but he wasn't the flirty, bouncy, bubbly Doctor she'd missed so much. He was broody, more so than she'd ever seen him. She'd never liked it when he slipped into those funks, and she found she liked it even less when this Doctor slipped into them. It broke her heart to see him so sad, knowing she was the cause. But after his emotional withdrawal, she didn't know how to fix it and make it better. Worse, she began doubting herself and doubting him, beginning to believe that he didn't really want to be here with her, and that he would one day grow to resent her and his life. She couldn't bear it if that happened.

"I don't know what to do," Rose whimpered, swiping at her eyes angrily. "I'm glad to have him, I really am. But I've made a right mess of it from the start."

Jackie embraced her daughter tightly and soothingly stroked her back, making soft shushing noises.

"What if he hates being here?" Rose asked fearfully. "But thinks he has to stay? I could never trap him like that."

To her surprise, Jackie chuckled. Rose pulled back.

"I'd bet this house and everything in it that that man does not feel trapped here," Jackie said with a smirk. "He's arse over teakettle for you, love."

Rose gave a small smile at that, as she turned back out to watch the Doctor. He now had Tony on his back, and was crouched beside their snowman with his mobile out, taking a selfie. The goofy grin on his pink face made her heart stutter, and her insides all seemed to melt together.

"You've made a right mess of this," Jackie said bluntly. "If you want to fix it, you're gonna have to put in the effort. Talk to him, love. I know he misses you."

Rose snorted and said, "Are you the Doctor's new best mate, then?"

"Well, you certainly haven't been," Jackie said, and Rose recoiled at that. She'd meant it rhetorically. "Whenever you two come round for tea, I'd have a little chat with him. Did you know he was considering finding his own flat just last month?"

Rose felt the blood rush from her face and she felt nauseated.

Jackie nodded and said, "He said he didn't want to be a burden on you."

Rose's breath caught on a sob.

"Oh, God," Rose whispered, trying to swallow down the painful lump in her throat, but an equally painful one took up residence in her chest.

"Oh, _God_ ," she whispered again, horrified.

Jackie nodded sympathetically and said, "That man is absolutely in love with you, Rose. Let yourself be happy. Further still, let him be happy."

Rose sniffled and nodded resolutely.

They heard the front door open, and two excited voices greeted them.

"Rose!" Tony squealed, running over to his big sister, leaving a trail of snow behind him. "I made a snowman!"

Rose squatted down to kneel in front of the bouncing toddler.

"I saw!" Rose said with exaggerated enthusiasm. "It's beautiful. Did the Doctor help you make that?"

Tony nodded fervently and said, "He's the best snowman maker _ever_!"

Rose cracked a smile at that, and her gaze flitted up to the Doctor. His cheeks were bright pink and his clothes were soaked through. He was currently shaking snow out of his hair and trying to make it stay in his usual artfully-tousled style, but it kept flopping limply onto his forehead. Rose smiled softly at him, feeling far happier in this moment than she'd felt in years.

The Doctor caught her staring at him, and he froze, his muscles tensing slightly. But without fail, he returned her smile, as he always did. Her heart clenched; she hated that she'd made him feel unwanted and, worse, unloved.

"You're dripping on my carpet!" Jackie moaned, gesturing wildly to the puddles forming where Tony and the Doctor were standing. "You're both soaking!"

Jackie gave an overly dramatic sigh, and swung Tony up on hip and walking from the room, presumably to get Tony into dry clothes, but perhaps to also give them a moment alone.

They both stood there awkwardly until Rose said softly, "You look frozen. How about you get into something warm and I'll make you a cup of hot chocolate?"

She waited with bated breath for his answer, and was relieved when he nodded.

They both turned in opposite directions, him to the spare bedroom he used whenever they spent the night, her to the kitchen to prepare his drink.

She barely took notice of what her hands were doing as her mind wandered. She'd been given a precious gift, and she'd turned her nose at it and accepted it with much less grace than she should have. She'd selfishly wasted nearly five months of their life together, hung up on the Doctor that wasn't there, the one who'd left her, while ignoring the Doctor that was with her, the Doctor who wanted her.

Resolved to fix things as soon as she could, Rose carried two mugs of hot chocolate to the sitting room. She desperately hoped he could forgive her.

The Doctor joined her a minute later, his cheeks still pink, but at least in dry clothes. He paused when he entered the living room, glancing from the two-person love seat on which Rose was seated, to the single-person armchair across the room. The love seat was right in front of the fire, and he shivered when he thought of how warm it must be there. But he didn't want to intrude…

Rose watched his eyes dart from chair to chair, until she patted the cushion next to her in invitation. He gave himself a little nod before walking over and plopping on the seat beside her. He kept a safe distance between them, and held himself slightly stiffly and forward towards the heat of the flames.

He accepted his steaming mug of hot chocolate with gratitude, and brought it to his lips. When he took the first sip, his eyes fluttered closed and a deep, appreciative moan resonated in his chest. A bubble of heat burst low in her stomach at the sound. She tried to ignore how her body was responding to his proximity, knowing she had no right to feel that way. Not yet.

Rose carefully let her hand creep closer to his. Watching his reaction for her periphery and seeing no denial from him, she brushed her fingers over his, but nothing more. She waited for him to make the next move, but nearly withdrew her hand in embarrassment when he still didn't move. Just as she was about to move her hand away and apologize, she felt the muscles of his hand twitch, until he flipped his hand to better hold hers. As soon as their fingers were linked together, she heard a gentle, content sigh from him. She gave herself another mental kick; she'd known the Doctor (well, this version, at least) was very tactile. He must be absolutely starved for connection and affection with how far she'd held herself from him since they'd been left in this universe together.

Together. On the beach, that was what had drawn her to this human Doctor. He promised her his forever, and promised that their lives would be spent together. Yet as soon as they were left alone, she acted as though she didn't want any of it. God, she'd been an idiot.

She set her mug on the coffee table in front of her before slowly, so as not to startle him, inching closer to him until she was nearly pressed up against his side. She watched his face, desperate for him to assure her that he wanted this. His jaw was clenched, but she saw a spark of something (hope? disbelief? desire?) in his eyes that sent a shot of warmth through her veins as she closed the distance between them.

She panicked for just a moment when he leaned away from her, but upon hearing the heavy thunk of a mug on a table, she realized he must have set is cocoa aside. Her suspicions were confirmed when she felt both of his arms wrap around her tightly. She felt the desperation in his embrace, and she once again cursed her past self for doing this to him. She twined her arms tightly around his torso and buried her face into his collarbone, inhaling that wonderfully warm, spicy scent that she associated with the Doctor. She felt his nose press into her hair, and then his lips. She gave an appreciative him, and pressed her lips against his collarbone in return.

"I'm so sorry, Doctor," she murmured into his neck. "You've been wonderful, and I've been a selfish cow. I'm so sorry."

He seemed to cling to her more tightly as he whispered, "I've missed you."

Tears stung at her eyes.

"I know, I'm so sorry," she said, pulling back to look at him.

She was surprised to see his eyes were shining slightly, and she brought her fingers up to trace his face.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, skating her fingers across his jaw, along his cheekbones, and over his eyebrows. "I'm so sorry."

The Doctor's eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into her touch.

"Do you still want to stay here with me?" Rose asked tentatively, fearful of his answer.

"Do you want me here?" he asked.

She hated when he did that, asking another question in response to her question, but she supposed she deserved that. She hadn't exactly made him feel welcome.

"Yes," she said firmly, her hands framing his cheeks. "Yes, I do. I want to spend my forever with you, Doctor. If you still want."

A slow smile spread across his lips, until a large, goofy grin split his face. Her heart was galloping in her chest as he leaned down, his lips a few millimeters from hers. She felt half-dizzy as she felt his breath puffing against her parted lips. She twined her fingers into his hair, and closed the gap.

They both let out low moans as their lips connected. It was just as frantic and desperate as it had been five months ago on the beach, but it now held a promise of more to come.

They leisurely explored each other's mouths for several glorious minutes until a loud coughing noise broke them apart.

They pulled back with a gasp, and looked for the source of the interruption. Jackie was standing by the doorway with crossed arms and a put-out expression, but there was a sparkle of happiness in her eyes.

"May I remind you that there is a three year old in this house?" she said, feigning irritation. "Keep it appropriate."

Rose flushed red as she realized how they must've looked. Over the course of their snogging, Rose had moved so that she was straddling the Doctor, and his hands had crept under her jumper.

Jackie stalked out of the room, muttering under her breath something about _'idiots'_ and ' _about time_ '.

Rose sheepishly looked back at the Doctor, but he was grinning at her in delight. He looked absolutely ridiculous: his hair was standing on end from where her fingers had scraped and tugged, and his lips were red and swollen. He looked deliciously rumpled, and she couldn't help but lean down to press her lips chastely to his once, twice, three times, before shifting herself into a more innocent position beside him.

The Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rested his cheek against the top of her head. She took the hand that was not wrapped around her and twined their fingers tightly together.

"Happy Christmas, Doctor," she whispered, giving his fingers a squeeze.

"Happy Christmas, Rose," he answered warmly, pressing his lips to the top of her head.

Rose trained her eyes on the fire crackling in the hearth, and felt her eyes grow heavy. She let out a heavy, contented sigh and burrowed closer to the Doctor. She knew they still had a long way to go; her actions over the past few months had hurt him deeply, and it wasn't something that could be fixed with a few tender words and a few minutes of fantastic snogging. But they were well on their way.

"I love you," she murmured thickly, feeling the tendrils of sleep threatening to pull her under.

He made a happy noise in his throat as he pressed his lips to her hair again.

"I love you, too," he whispered. "Forever."


End file.
